Chaos: 7/10
Balanced menace.
Happy Birthday, Shmorty
To the Lithuanian chaos queen of tarkov raids, spiritual vibes, midnight coffee, big laughs, and instant cooldown after tiny rage storms: this little corner of the internet is for you.
Shmorty Starter Pack: Lithuania Edition
One step at a time: choose your truth and build your birthday vibe profile.
Step 1 of 4
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Make a choice above to update your profile instantly.
Shmorty Metrics
Operational stats from the starter pack engine.
Lithuanian-core: 8/10
Strong Baltic signal.
Coffee Mystic: 9/10
Prophecy via espresso.
Dog Commander: 10/10
Absolute pack authority.
Rage Meter (for science)
Slight anger appears. Slight anger leaves. Measure the legendary cooldown speed.
Rage build: 0 / 25 clicks
Current status: Peaceful birthday gremlin.
Late-Night Coffee Oracle
Ask the sacred coffee cup what tonight brings.
Cup is warm and waiting...
Tarkov Birthday Loot Crate
Open one absurd birthday loot drop.
No loot rolled yet.
Spiritual Birthday Ritual
Complete ritual steps for a calm, lucky, grounded birthday reset. Three out of five is enough to unlock the blessing.
Ritual progress: 0 / 5 complete
Ritual unlocked. Your mantra is now active.
Mantra engine waiting for your signal.
Virtual Tarot
Draw a card for the year ahead. Destiny is mysterious, dramatic, and mildly ridiculous.
Your card will appear here...
We Did Your Listening Profile
We studied your aura and totally-not-made-up listening analytics.
Awaiting top-secret music data...
Essential Birthday Services
Click Here for cpuf to walk your dog
cpuf is currently stretching.
Dial a Duck
No incoming quacks yet.